A Quick Visit.

Jill and I went and saw Nikki today. Jill has been quite a few times, but, this was my first time there since she passed. I was both happy and sad, happy for the peacefulness yet sad for the fact that the peacefulness was all we had left.

Then I got to thinking. We recently received a bunch of Nikki’s things. Books, jewelry, a guitar. I started reading her copy of “On the Road” and throughout the book there are quotes underlined or notated about. One in particular stood out for me, this one, “I realized that I had died and been reborn numberless times but just didn’t remember because the transitions from life to death and back are so ghostly easy, a magical action for naught, like falling asleep and waking up again a million times, the utter casualness and deep ignorance of it.” This excited me because no matter when she had noted this passage, whether it was yrs. or minutes before her passing, she believed it. So even though her body was at war, her mind was at peace. I take comfort in knowing that.

What a Week.

Let me start by apologizing for the lack of action on this page over the last few months. I had started this blog with the intention of sharing my stories of Family outings and random good times. After the loss of a good friend, due to a battle with cancer, it became a place for me to let out my emotions. I have not written here in a while because when I read my previous few posts I can’t help but feel sad. Although, when I think about it, my friend Nikki wouldn’t want me to stop writing (something she loved to do) because of her. So here we go…..

Jill and I started our vacation week on June 12, by spending the day with the kids. As evening rolled around Jill and I settled the boys in with their sitters, Grammy and Jeannie, and we headed to South Deerfield, to The Magic Wings Butterfly Conservatory for the Wedding of our friends Nicole and Sean. What a great place for a Wedding. It’s indoors but feels like outdoors, it is loaded with all sorts of plant life, a variety of lizards, fish and frogs wander about, and the air is filled with hundreds of Butterflies. The ceremony was held in this part of the Conservatory. After the Flower Girl, Shea, complete with Butterfly Wings, distributed her petals the crowd focused their attention on the path behind them. Walking the aisle to the London Symphony Orchestra’s version of Led Zepplin’s “All my Love” Nicole looked radiant. Her father and her were both smiling from ear to ear as he gave her away to her waiting fiance. The ceremony began with both Nicole and Sean holding separate vases of colored sand, then pouring them into another vessel, signifying their new union. The vows came next, sweet and simple, the way they should be. “I now pronounce you…” was declared a kiss was shared and the family and friends in attendance rose and gave cheer. The new couple walked back through the elated crowd and went off to take some pictures. Jill and I did the same. After seeing the start of something new we happened across the end of something also. While wandering around the Sanctuary we came across a small bridge over a Koi pond. Sitting perched on a rock to the side was a very large frog. Another couple was there talking with an employee, she had told the employee that she wanted to help a butterfly which appeared to have something wrong with its wing, but, was advised to let the animal do its own thing. That is just what it did. Attempting to fly with its visibly wounded wing proved to difficult for this little guy who sputtered to a stop about two inches from the aforementioned very large frog. What happened next is obvious, nature worked the way it does and our wounded butterfly friend became dinner for this patiently waiting frog. I was sure at this point that we had witnessed all that this room had to offer, so we made our way to the Lobby for the Reception. A small cash bar was available, which we made use of, a buffet style dinner was served, which was delicious, and of course there was the cake which was wonderful as well. A surprise was had by most when a member of one of Nicoles favorite bands, On the Drop, played a couple of her favorite songs for her as a gift from her new husband Sean. There was dancing, drinking, laughing and love in the room and we all had a great time.

On June 13, we took the boys to see Max Creek at Bucksteep Manor in Washington, MA. We used to go see these guys all the time, but it isn’t as easy as it used to be with our two little bundles of joy around. So, when they play shows like this one, which went from 2-7 p.m. we are sure to be in attendance. Washington is straight out route 20 through Westfield and a whole bunch of other hill towns. About an hour ride, but a beautiful one. The show was held outside under a large pavilion and due to the fact that it rained a bit this was a good thing. It was too loud in the pavilion for the boys so we set up camp behind the stage under a friends pop up tent. A bunch of our friends were there with their kids as well as Jeff, Dina, Jayden and Marlee, so the boys had plenty of people to play with. Play they did. Riley is pretty good at staying in an area and playing with others, but Brady, not so much. Chasing him around is a full-time job. Always pushing the limit, further and further, constantly going back to the same spots. At least we had a lot of help. They had a Beer stand and some burgers and dogs and stuff so we had lunch and dinner there as well. Our friend Pickle was in attendance also and as you can guess by his name he makes pickles, amazing pickles. I picked up a few jars of extra garlic dills at set break and put them in the trunk of our car so that I would not eat them all day. Creek played a great show as always, inviting a couple of friends to sit in as well as playing a tune called the seven, in honor of another fallen friends birthday. We danced in the rain and had a great time with everyone. After the final notes were played we headed home, it was past the boys bedtime, plus we had a busy week ahead.

On June 14 we packed up and headed out to stay at Jills Aunt and Uncles beachouse in Dennis Port. After I “forgot” something and we came all the way back from Palmer, (I actually didn’t forget anything), we headed back out on the road and were headed to the Cape. The kids are ok in the car, Riley gets car sickness, so we give him Dramamine, and Brady just gets bored. We made it to the house mid-afternoon and proceeded to do the laundry that should have been washed by the previous guests. But, that is story I will just leave out. We took a walk down to the beach where we played in the sand and dipped our toes in the frigid water, both boys would be content just playing in the sand all day, but we figured we would go get some dinner. On our previous visits here we had gone to dinner at Clancy’s which is very close to the house we stay at, so, we figured we would do the same. To our surprise, Clancy’s is now Chapin’s, and we almost drove right past it. We had dinner there anyway and it was delicious. After eating we headed over to the local package store and picked up a few adult beverages for after we put the boys to bed. There is nothing like the cool ocean breeze, a couple cocktails, great conversation and being with the one you love.

We had to make sure to stay very busy while we were at the cape this week, the house we stay at is not very child-proof so we wanted to be away as much as possible. We went to the beach everyday, went shopping in Hyannis, went to the Zooquarium and had a lot of great food. On Wednesday our friend Steve came up and we hit the beach, had a great lunch in Orleans and then wandered around Provincetown, where Riley got his first backpack, a cookie monster one. (he starts pre-school in Sept.) We had an amazing week at the cape, even though a lot of attractions were still closed we made due with what we had and were able to find a few new places to go. I look forward to doing this again very soon.

We returned home around 2 p.m on Friday, pretty exhausted, but content. Although our week was not over yet. Grammy and Jeannie came by at about 4 and Jill and I headed out to see Phish. We stopped by Pananas for a couple cocktails and some dinner before making our way to Hartford. We arrived in Hartford around 6 p.m. To find the main parking lots full, which is not surprising due to the following of this band. We paid a hefty $25 to park our car and began to have a couple more cocktails before heading in. While hanging out we ran into a group of our friends and started wandering towards the show. A couple other folks were collected en route and we were now on our way in. It was very crowded at the entrance gate and they were only letting a handful of people through at a time, we wandered up to the side of the large crowd and somehow managed to get let through very quickly, lucky for us because after we got in and hit the bathrooms the lights went down and it was time to rock. Phish is a great live band and you never know what they will do next, at this show they ended up doing the same song twice in a row, I know it sounds boring but it was actually really neat. We had a great time at this show and hopefully we won’t have to wait until next year to see these guys again.

Saturday was a lazy day not much was done. That’s fine by me, I like those days.

Fathers Day was Sunday so I awoke to a couple very nice cards and an appointment to get some new tattoo work done June 26. I had saw the night before that the band Primate Fiasco was having the cd release party for their new children’s cd, “Wheels on the Bus” at the Taste of Amherst so we headed up to check it out.  It was a hot morning with no shade but that was ok, we had just came back from the beach Friday so we were ready. We got there just as the band was starting to play and went up front to check them out. If you are not familiar with the Primate Fiasco I suggest you look them up. Dixieland style music with a lot of twists, very fun time. This show was for the kids so we heard some cool takes on classic tunes, the muppets theme, you are my sunshine, apples and bananas, etc.  After, we picked up a copy of their cd as well as their coloring book for later and headed to lunch at the Northampton Brewery, yum. We had a nice lunch on the outdoor patio near the mist machines, which the boys loved. I tried a couple different I.P.A.’s and an Imperial Stout, all wonderful, and we headed home.

I had a truly amazing week with my family and friends and wish that all weeks could be like this. I am blessed to be able to have times like these and I hope that all of you feel the same way.

I wonder what next week will bring?

Looking Up.

You’re the reflection of the moon on the water,

the fog in the distance,

the lone cloud, floating by,

the twinkle in the stars that guide the evening sky.

You’re the rainbow after the rain,

the vapor trails behind the plane,

the smile on a stranger’s face,

the gleam in a child’s eye,

a light of this world,

that will never say good-bye.

The voices of all we have lost, sing out to us,

like a choir,

they bring the sun out from the rain,

and lift our spirits higher,

may their stars twinkle on, forevermore,

it’s them that we admire.

Hold Your Head Up

Behind the World, Lies a background of dreams.
Universally coherent, an homage unto thee.
Ring in the New Year, Open Your Arms,
Live, “In The Now”, show off ALL of your charms.
Take hold of yourself, abolish the clatter.
a simple new start, like a fray or a tatter.
Clear the way for…a new start, a fresh, vibrant beginning, always be positive,
in the race, we ARE winning.
Keep your chins up in 2010,
I hope to write to you ALL when this night comes again.

Merry M.F.’n New Year!!!!!!!!!

Forever a Child at Heart

On the 25th of September, a True Friend gave to me,

One giant dose of reality,

Two cups of sorrow,

Three pints of misery,

Four quarts of wonder,

Five feelings of confusion,

Six arays of awareness,

Seven layers of regret,

Eight heaps of happiness,

Nine bundles of joy,

Ten million people who wish they knew,

Eleven, the volume level of those that did know you,

Twelve steps, is what it might take to get some past this experience.

Enough entertaining my psyche, with visions, some large and some small,

Degradation, deconstruction in the notes for us all,

Some sooner, some later,

the weight of each situation, further or greater,

with a swift, chosen hand, ala OUR St. Nik,

We find a correlation between living slow and dying quick,

The time you have is limited, harness your dreams and ride that wave,

The truth of it all is not one to crave,

A chilly fall day or a summery sun,

It’s not up to you when the day is done,

In this Holiday season we need remember them all, anyone lost, any reason their fall,

I remember one most, three months marks the day,

Nikki lived life in her own special way,

We all have the knowledge and hope for the cure,

Let’s stand up and fight like never before,

A few words for you, Nikki, that are pure, like water,

Nothing can replace a friend, sister or daughter.

The season brings change and so called resolution,

Though it’s a wish not an ultimate solution,

The things that you have should be embraced,now more than ever,

At daybreak, dreams realized, voices carried, or maybe your wishes unfulfilled, WHATEVER!

Far from in reach, yet close enough to touch,

My envy is boundless, my example of tough,

A fighter needs not reward, nor regard for their game,

A fighter like I knew was a person not the same,

Here is a Christmas wish, for young and for all,

Grab hold of what you have and stand up, strong and tall,

There is an end in sight, at the end of some night,

Take hold of what you have, be sure to love, hug and squeeze it tight,

You might never know when it’s time to fight your last fight,

For one fighter I know, one that is still at the top of my head,

My sorrow is gone only great memories instead,

The book has been written’,

The song has been sung,

The last coat to arrive at the Party has already been hung………

Merry Christmas Nikki!!!!!

We’ll just leave your coat there.

Forever a child at heart.

A Cigar Review

I recently sampled Azon’s New line of Cigar. Malfetano, in the Robusto size. The pre-ignition aroma was pleasant. A very comforting quality personally was that the scent reminded me of my Grandpa O. The smell of a Wool Hat that has been sitting in an Old Wood Cabinet since Last Season. Begging to show its potential. New, yet familiar. Different, but good. A light, earthy sweetness also wafted my way during initial unlit wrapper sniffing.

I torched this sucker up, hoping for more of the instant memory enhancement I had experienced off the top. The taste was unexpected. Much mellower than the scent had initially conveyed. Pleasing and Full, yet easy to enjoy. Sometimes you just want to take a Big Ole’ Puff, and you can, with this smoke. While plenty flavorful and complex, this cigar had a relaxed, mellow taste through-out. I think your individual smoking style plays into this cigar, and every other cigar also. Myself, being one of the aforementioned “Heavy Hitters” had quite the lop-sided burn going the first half of the Stick. But, in musical terms, Set 2 Rocked! The same, now familiar flavor and…..I almost forgot, Easy Draw, resonated long after my uneasiness of the First Set canoe Festival had ended.

When it comes to more of those memories I had hoped for…Not this time. This time I made a new memory. I’ll skip the fine print and get to the heart of it. This is a Fine Cigar, an Everyman, Everyday Cigar, from a Rising American Family, and I can say that I deeply admire their courage in taking on such a Project.

Now, if only I could get Gramp’s opinion.

Finding a Family

Tension,

Excitement,

Un-Familiar Realm,

Patience,

Love,

Compassion,

Transformation of Self,

Joy’s of Discovery,

Impassioned Awe,

Facial Expressions,

Puzzles Solved,

Retention of Knowledge,

Simple and Fragile,

Quick as a Whip,

Abundantly Inquisitive,

The Anchor is Cast,

Before me stand some of Life’s Ultimate challenges,

You Need to expose those for Yourself,

But, Mine are evident,

Two Hearts,

Both Separate,

Beating as One,

For Me to Mold?

What!

Deep Breath,

That’s Better,

Love so Deep,

Un-Relenting,

Two Beautiful Boys,

Myself Resembling,

Gorgeous Wife,

By My Side,

Together,

Dreams Un-Veil,

Life Un-Covers,

Visions Un-Fold,

Mysteries are Discovered,

Love is Life,

Life is Family,

Family is Forever.

A Letter to Nikki.

It’s been two months.

The taste still isn’t gone.

I am still chewing on the un-chewable.

Yet, an un-yielding sense of relief surrounds me.

I think there is a “Better Life” after life.

I hope for a “New” beginning.

I wish for you, your own personal Eden.

It’s these thoughts that help me to stay above the hurt.

Above the pain that we all feel.

I immensely miss spending time with you.

Laughing.

Smiling.

Having long, debative conversations about nothing.

Your Chewbacca Impersonation!

I would give almost anything for one more Chewie sound.

One more big “Nikki” hug.

One more laugh and smile.

I know your pain is gone and you are at peace.

I know you want for all of us to take comfort in that as well.

We shall move forward, every way that we know how.

But know this…….

We will love you eternily with the same intensity that we do now.

You’re our sweet Sister.

Strong and Proud.

A Fighter.

A Free Spirit.

A Thinker.

A Friend.

When a Soul shines like yours,

Life never Ends.

A New Addition!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I became an Uncle again.

Camden Robert Tibbetts was born 11/10/09 at 1:34 am. He weighed 8 lbs 6 oz and was 22″ long.

Congrats to Jen and Chris. You have the other kids to help out now. So this should be a breeze. Hopefully I won’t have to wait too long to meet the little fella!

All in Time.

There are Days where….Things don’t unfold, fit the mold or fight the cold.

There are Days where….Things don’t add up, fill the cup or Save the Pup.

Fight your battles, Sing your Song, it wasn’t you that was in the wrong.

A Warrior’s Soul just can’t be bought, the embodiment of “Heartstrength” in a Battle Fought.

My Day’s with You uncounted and not always grand, there was always a hug and a kind, calming hand.

A beautiful Soul on an un-chosen Path, it’s surely not true that the Good escape God’s wrath.

You were not only a pleasure and joy to spend time with, your smile and bare feet will be a memory we thrive with.

Knowing your Spirit is so close, it’s no call. We step back and notice the Empty Space within us all.

Words can’t be said, thoughts can’t be had. With-Out feeling sorrow and some kind of sad.

Your taking was sudden and surely not right.

For Tomorrow Good Evening,

and for this Evening……

Goodnight.

We miss you Nikki.